Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty, well-preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming --WHEW-- What a Ride!!!"
-Author unknown
Thursday, September 21, 2006
Snarl...Hisss
Rule #1: Never touch a pregnant woman's cake while she is holding something sharp and pointy.
You obviously have been well trained. I underestimated you. The best marriage advice ever is never let your wife get hungry!! (and the cake was delish :)
Well trained, I dunno about that. Just trying to survive on a day by day basis...by the grace of God!
But for all the men, take notice as this subject of food and women makes for an excellent study that you single (or slow-on-the-uptake married) guys should learn now for your future health and welfare.
All women are able to run in one of two mutually exclusive modes:
1: "I'm tried of being fat" regardless of how skinny, non-skinny or preggo she might be. They are NEVER, repeat, NEVER happy with their shape or size. So they move on to step 2 (the time spent in this step varies between women).
2: "I'm tired of being hungry" when they are trying to counter #1 above by going on the diet-of-the-month club. After sacrificing for one month they return to their normal eating patterns and soon after they can be found returning to step 1.
And regardless of what you say, men, you'll never be able to appease them. Be as affirming and loving as you can be (the Bible says something about that somewhere, I think) and never either deny them or offer them food of any kind unless you are absolutely sure of which of the two stages they are in. Even then you're probably (make that PROBABLY with a large disclaimer) safer offering them food (although this can be very dangerous at the end of the one-month sacrifice when they are toying with the idea of giving up the diet-of-the-month and then will blame you for their weakness and sabotaging their beauty effort).
The Richpo has spoken.
P.S. Men, do not EVER take up your wife's offer to hold her accountable when she is practicing the diet-of-the-month. No matter how much she might stress the need for this, just say, "NO!" Well, you don't have to say it but just don't actually do it. The moment you do I can guarantee that the first words out of her mouth will be, "So you do think I'm fat and need to lose weight!" Followed shortly thereafter by, "I guess we can both cook our own meals from now on" while she fixes you with that frosty stare and then glides serenely from the room.
P.S.S. All men who are in favor of striking the word "delish" from all verbal and written forms of communication from now until eternity, please speak up now or forever hold your peace. Thank you.
Have no idea of what you're talking about, Martha. I was in no way talking about my wife so I could not have even remotely been talking about the actual experience of living with a woman and having to suffer through, er, ah, share the miracle of pregnancy 3 times. To this I shall swear (even with my hand on a New World Translation Bible).
15 comments:
Cute! I was gonna use that picture but wasn't sure how Martha would feel about it... I think she's ADORABLE!!! ...and the cake was DELISH!
what a cute petite pregnant lady!
I think the general rule is not to touch ANY woman's cake. PERIOD! (If my lovely wife is any indication of the rest of the female population).
Richpo,
You obviously have been well trained. I underestimated you. The best marriage advice ever is never let your wife get hungry!! (and the cake was delish :)
SHE IS A VERY CUTE PREGNANT LADY....
well Martha is'nt petite compared to some people...
Dangerous ground, Elizabeth. Very dangerous. Take it from me - I have experience in this particular area. :)
Were you comparing Martha to yourself, Elizabeth? 'Cause yeah, THAT would be hard to beat...
maybe...yeah that would be hard to beat!
Well trained, I dunno about that. Just trying to survive on a day by day basis...by the grace of God!
But for all the men, take notice as this subject of food and women makes for an excellent study that you single (or slow-on-the-uptake married) guys should learn now for your future health and welfare.
All women are able to run in one of two mutually exclusive modes:
1: "I'm tried of being fat" regardless of how skinny, non-skinny or preggo she might be. They are NEVER, repeat, NEVER happy with their shape or size. So they move on to step 2 (the time spent in this step varies between women).
2: "I'm tired of being hungry" when they are trying to counter #1 above by going on the diet-of-the-month club. After sacrificing for one month they return to their normal eating patterns and soon after they can be found returning to step 1.
And regardless of what you say, men, you'll never be able to appease them. Be as affirming and loving as you can be (the Bible says something about that somewhere, I think) and never either deny them or offer them food of any kind unless you are absolutely sure of which of the two stages they are in. Even then you're probably (make that PROBABLY with a large disclaimer) safer offering them food (although this can be very dangerous at the end of the one-month sacrifice when they are toying with the idea of giving up the diet-of-the-month and then will blame you for their weakness and sabotaging their beauty effort).
The Richpo has spoken.
P.S. Men, do not EVER take up your wife's offer to hold her accountable when she is practicing the diet-of-the-month. No matter how much she might stress the need for this, just say, "NO!" Well, you don't have to say it but just don't actually do it. The moment you do I can guarantee that the first words out of her mouth will be, "So you do think I'm fat and need to lose weight!" Followed shortly thereafter by, "I guess we can both cook our own meals from now on" while she fixes you with that frosty stare and then glides serenely from the room.
P.S.S. All men who are in favor of striking the word "delish" from all verbal and written forms of communication from now until eternity, please speak up now or forever hold your peace. Thank you.
DELISH DELISH DELISH DELISH DELISH and finally... YUMM-O!!
By the way, I hope your sermon wasn't about me...
Rich.... You so have it!! That is written like a man who's been through it. I think Mike would definately agree.
Have no idea of what you're talking about, Martha. I was in no way talking about my wife so I could not have even remotely been talking about the actual experience of living with a woman and having to suffer through, er, ah, share the miracle of pregnancy 3 times. To this I shall swear (even with my hand on a New World Translation Bible).
Signed,
Richpo, the One and Only
My (late) two cents - Martha, you are soooo tiny!!! I'm jealous!! :P
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